Tonight I am angry. You ladies will know why so I will just hint that it is "lady troubles" and leave it at that. Jesse knows that it is lady trouble time, and he keeps his distance. I like that- in fact, this is what I asked him to do (that and ply me with chocolate, which he has done), but then when I see him enjoying himself alone, it angers me. Ah, lady time. In my mind, I see a hulked-out Madeleine, ready to "Maddie smash". It's up to Jesse to find the perfect balance of "I love you and will cuddle you, but not so much that you feel smothered, and I will not do anything to make you feel annoyed". Poor man. Good thing this doesn't last long.
I will also blame my poor eating choices today on my lady time. Well, poor 'choice' rather. I did really well at lunch (blackened chicken salad) and even better at dinner (salmon, green beans, mushrooms filled with cheese/pepperoni), but for breakfast... when I went into the kitchen at work, there sat a box of donuts. I wasn't going to "go nuts" with the donuts, but then I saw a vanilla-icing donut with happy little sprinkles. Sprinkles, it turns out, must be my downfall, because I had devoured the entire donut before I even remembered the "low-carb" thing. Donuts are low carb... right?
On to the topic of tonight, which isn't what I promised in the last entry (shhh....). Does anyone else have mad quantities of creative projects constantly circling through their minds? I swear- subconscious artistic me must be a crazy person. One second, I am intent on painting a winter miniature for our first Christmas card. The next, I am convinced I need to paint my desk. But wait- wasn't I going to finish that stained glass project? No, not until I master the art of watercoloring portraits. I can do that in a single painting, right? But wasn't I going to try acrylics? No- first the Christmas card. Or maybe the desk... AHHH!
Are creative sides naturally this sporadically ADD, or is it just mine? If the creative psyche were as organized as the logical psyche, it would get much more accomplished. Or maybe if the logical side just agreed to HELP the creative side once or twice. I envision my Logical Psyche as a businessman, balding but brilliant, fantastically organized down to his days-of-the-week underpants. He does not want to associate with Creative Psyche, who, I'm sorry to say, looks and acts like a meth addict and just wants to create, be it on a canvas with oils or a wall with spray paint. If the two could just team up and help each other create/organize more together, well then, we'd be somewhere. Maybe we wouldn't be featured at the Louvre, but we'd at least have a finished piece of art, instead of a dozen works-in-progress.
Or maybe it isn't that Logical Psyche isn't trying to help; maybe he is helping with all his might, but he's simply not strong enough to help out his crazed friend. That seems like it could be true of me. It's a good thing I'm married to Jesse, who is very organized. Hopefully, he can keep me calm and rational when all I want to do is fingerprint, but I have to go to work. :)
(By the way, he's doing a good job. He's happily working on his new work iPad yet still giving me a sweet little smile every so often).
Okay, thanks for reading. This is now the end of whatever this post was about (it seems to be about messed-up lady emotions and artistic angst).
I should try to work on the Christmas card idea.
Or maybe I should paint my desk?
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
An Operatunity (hee hee)
It's been a nice weekend. Today's services went really well without anything eventful or disastrous happening. Things between Jesse and I have been nice and cuddly (*yes "cuddly" is the main adjective that springs to mind... it might be the happy fall weather!), and life continues to skip by at the usual pace. No slowing down, very few things to break up the monotony, no "breaks" (fall, spring, summer or otherwise) as I was accustomed to as a student. Adulthood continues to rear it's mature sarcastic face and say to my naivety: "Welcome to real life".
An interesting turn-of-events: I went to sing for vocal teacher at SMU. I was awfully nervous. It's intimidating enough to go sing for people when you ARE in-voice, so imagine how I must've felt walking into SMU- one of the snobbiest and, well, best schools around. I found a parking space (after 30 minutes, thank God I left early), and walked to the Fine Arts building, enjoying the familiar and seductive college scene. Barefoot students passed me, arms full of books, discussing literature and professors. In the music department, the sounds of violins and oboes wafted in the air... even their scales sounded perfect. Dang, I am out of my league. But I went to my appointment, prepared for a pretty big embarrassment, and instead was pleasantly surprised.
It's true; my German was rusty, my rhythms a little off, but my voice, surprisingly, was still there. I made my high notes. My tone was even. It felt like normal, like returning to riding a bike after a few years. That's not to say it was perfect- as the vocal teacher said, my larynx was a little high, which made for quite a bit of breathiness (hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhh). But she seemed to like my voice, saying it was whimsical, pretty, youthful and energetic, very "french" (as in, 'would be good for french songs'), and that she thinks I am a soubrette or a light lyric soprano. When I sang, she nodded in approval and gave very positive feedback. After vocalizing me (warming up to as high as I could go- which was shockingly- still a E-flat- I thought I'd lost my top notes!), she said I have more notes there that I could achieve if I worked on it and worked on loosing my fear of high notes. Best of all: when I commented on how out-of-voice I was, she said, "No, you're not out-of-voice, you are simply out of practice. There's nothing wrong with your voice. There's no tension [I don't know about that... but, hey, ok!], your breathing is great, your french is perfect [!YAY!], you just need the icing on the cake". Thank you, John Brown University music department, for your hard work!
So, I now have a voice lessons with a wonderful teacher! We're going to work on tailoring my repertoire to be more soubrette-friendly. Currently, my repertoire is all over the map. This was great for undergraduate studies and I enjoyed singing those pieces. But some of those songs aren't a good fit for me. I love "Habanera", and loved the chance to sing it, but no one would ever hire me for the role of Carmen. I'm no mezzo. But Mozart operas, Handel, french songs, I can do. And apparently- new fact learned for the day- companies don't like to see variety on a musicians' resume. They like to see that you have a specific voice type and that you can sing it well. As she said: "People aren't very imaginative. It's up to you to tell them who you are and what you can do". Brilliant advice, huh? Pretty good for any career choice and interviewing situation.
Honestly, all that said, I don't know if I want a career in voice. I know I LOVE singing. I know I want to do these lessons. And, as Jesse said after he saw me directly after this audition, I "lit up like a firefly" when I told him about singing. But I'm going to wait before I decide if I want to get my masters. A bachelor's degree is expensive enough. My current loans are going to haunt me til into my late thirties (which is still far enough away that it is daunting). If I'm going to add more onto that bill, I have to be darn sure that this is the direction I want to go in AND that the Lord has for me (the second being more important).
Next week's episode: Discontentment. I'm excited. It's gonna be a doozy.
An interesting turn-of-events: I went to sing for vocal teacher at SMU. I was awfully nervous. It's intimidating enough to go sing for people when you ARE in-voice, so imagine how I must've felt walking into SMU- one of the snobbiest and, well, best schools around. I found a parking space (after 30 minutes, thank God I left early), and walked to the Fine Arts building, enjoying the familiar and seductive college scene. Barefoot students passed me, arms full of books, discussing literature and professors. In the music department, the sounds of violins and oboes wafted in the air... even their scales sounded perfect. Dang, I am out of my league. But I went to my appointment, prepared for a pretty big embarrassment, and instead was pleasantly surprised.
It's true; my German was rusty, my rhythms a little off, but my voice, surprisingly, was still there. I made my high notes. My tone was even. It felt like normal, like returning to riding a bike after a few years. That's not to say it was perfect- as the vocal teacher said, my larynx was a little high, which made for quite a bit of breathiness (hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhh). But she seemed to like my voice, saying it was whimsical, pretty, youthful and energetic, very "french" (as in, 'would be good for french songs'), and that she thinks I am a soubrette or a light lyric soprano. When I sang, she nodded in approval and gave very positive feedback. After vocalizing me (warming up to as high as I could go- which was shockingly- still a E-flat- I thought I'd lost my top notes!), she said I have more notes there that I could achieve if I worked on it and worked on loosing my fear of high notes. Best of all: when I commented on how out-of-voice I was, she said, "No, you're not out-of-voice, you are simply out of practice. There's nothing wrong with your voice. There's no tension [I don't know about that... but, hey, ok!], your breathing is great, your french is perfect [!YAY!], you just need the icing on the cake". Thank you, John Brown University music department, for your hard work!
So, I now have a voice lessons with a wonderful teacher! We're going to work on tailoring my repertoire to be more soubrette-friendly. Currently, my repertoire is all over the map. This was great for undergraduate studies and I enjoyed singing those pieces. But some of those songs aren't a good fit for me. I love "Habanera", and loved the chance to sing it, but no one would ever hire me for the role of Carmen. I'm no mezzo. But Mozart operas, Handel, french songs, I can do. And apparently- new fact learned for the day- companies don't like to see variety on a musicians' resume. They like to see that you have a specific voice type and that you can sing it well. As she said: "People aren't very imaginative. It's up to you to tell them who you are and what you can do". Brilliant advice, huh? Pretty good for any career choice and interviewing situation.
Honestly, all that said, I don't know if I want a career in voice. I know I LOVE singing. I know I want to do these lessons. And, as Jesse said after he saw me directly after this audition, I "lit up like a firefly" when I told him about singing. But I'm going to wait before I decide if I want to get my masters. A bachelor's degree is expensive enough. My current loans are going to haunt me til into my late thirties (which is still far enough away that it is daunting). If I'm going to add more onto that bill, I have to be darn sure that this is the direction I want to go in AND that the Lord has for me (the second being more important).
Next week's episode: Discontentment. I'm excited. It's gonna be a doozy.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Feeling sick, another audition and broccoli cheese soup
I left work early today feeling very much like what my husband felt the other day- sick and rundown. I got home, was promptly sick, napped, rallied and then re-arranged the furniture in the living room. When you live in a small space (all 650 sq feet of it- including stairs), the cramped feeling can drive me nuts. So, I have to re-arrange every so often. Plus, it helps force you to clean the room, too.
I have another "audition" tomorrow. Maybe "audition" is the wrong word. The correct word would be an opportunity. I'm meeting with a vocal teacher from a local college to sing for her and discuss what she thinks of my voice. It's a great opportunity- kind of horrifying- but I am also incredibly excited. Fortunately, I've already explained how out-of-voice I am, so at least she won't be under any misconceptions about my voice. ... but still--- eek! I'll let you know how it goes!
I found a great new recipe for Creamy Broccoli Soup. It DOES have 2 tablespoons of flour, so it's not completely carb-free, but it's pretty close. Plus, Jesse liked it a lot. I figure if a MAN likes it, it's hardy enough.
Ingredients:
3 cups chicken broth
1 head of broccoli, cut up
1/2 onion, chopped
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup shredded cheese (the recipe says optional, but I say "must have")
1/2 dried oregano
salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
1) Bring broth to boil. Add broccoli and onion. Cook for five minutes, or until broccoli is tender.
2) In a separate bowl, slowly add milk to flour, and mix until well-blended.
3) Stir flour/milk mixture into broth mixture. Cook, stirring constantly, until soup is thick and bubbly. Add cheese; stir til melted. Add seasonings. Done.
It's a really quick meal, and pretty dang good.
I have another "audition" tomorrow. Maybe "audition" is the wrong word. The correct word would be an opportunity. I'm meeting with a vocal teacher from a local college to sing for her and discuss what she thinks of my voice. It's a great opportunity- kind of horrifying- but I am also incredibly excited. Fortunately, I've already explained how out-of-voice I am, so at least she won't be under any misconceptions about my voice. ... but still--- eek! I'll let you know how it goes!
I found a great new recipe for Creamy Broccoli Soup. It DOES have 2 tablespoons of flour, so it's not completely carb-free, but it's pretty close. Plus, Jesse liked it a lot. I figure if a MAN likes it, it's hardy enough.
Ingredients:
3 cups chicken broth
1 head of broccoli, cut up
1/2 onion, chopped
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup shredded cheese (the recipe says optional, but I say "must have")
1/2 dried oregano
salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
1) Bring broth to boil. Add broccoli and onion. Cook for five minutes, or until broccoli is tender.
2) In a separate bowl, slowly add milk to flour, and mix until well-blended.
3) Stir flour/milk mixture into broth mixture. Cook, stirring constantly, until soup is thick and bubbly. Add cheese; stir til melted. Add seasonings. Done.
It's a really quick meal, and pretty dang good.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tomato pie and Decisions
Tonight, after work I came home and cleaned like a banshee. We're living in a 650 square foot apartment. When you take into account that we're both messy and, as an artsy person, I have art projects lain strung about the apartment, the place gets messy quickly. I swear: overnight little messy elves come out and throw clothes everywhere and re-dirty the dishes. So, I ran thru the place quickly (fortunately a clean up goes really fast), then made my dinner while watching episodes of Futurama.
After that, I was feeling a little creative, but I didn't have enough energy to go get all my art supplies from their various corners about the room, so I got the nail polish. I'm in a Halloweeny mood. Can you tell?
Yes, it's a little ridiculous. Which is just what I wanted :)
_________________________________________________________________________________
Serious Time:
Dinner tonight:
Artichoke
Fried Talapia
Edisto Beach Pie (without the pie)
I really recommend the pie: it's nothing but tomatoes, grated cheese, mayonnaise and spices.
Simply slice about 3 tomatoes (depending on the amount of servings), mix a cup of grated cheese with a cup of mayonnaise. Layer tomatoes with cheese/mayonnaise and spices (salt, pepper, oregano) as many times as you want to fill the pan (I did two layers today) and bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes. If you want to make a real pie, just buy a pre-made crust and fill the shell with the ingredients; same deal. Below is the finished product:
 |
| The finished product: artichoke with melted butter, fried talapia and edisto beach pie |
 |
| The left hand- no way I'm showing you the right hand, as it was very complicated to draw those mini pumpkins left-headed. |
_________________________________________________________________________________
Serious Time:
I've been struggling with contentment lately over a few aspects of my life. Or, maybe another way to say it is, I've been wanting some things in my life to be different. The question I'd like to pose is this: how to we discern when something in our life:
A) Is a situation sent by God for a specific purpose (aka: for our own personal or spiritual growth, for ministry opportunities, etc), and therefore should be accepted and we should try to find contentment and "bloom where we are planted"...
OR
B) Is a situation in which we have freedom to change if we don't like, or would rather be elsewhere.
To the non-christian, the answer is simple: "Do what you want". That's what our generation shouts pretty much constantly. It's our natural inclination. We want to do what we want to do, and answer to no One.
But I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I have given Him my heart and my life. This means I am called to "pick up my cross" and follow Him, to "lose my life so I can find it" and to live sacrificially with eternity in mind.
So what's the balance? You can't be too extreme about either one. If you are too extreme about doing what you want, you risk missing out on God's spirit. If we live only for ourselves and for we want, we miss out on ministry, we become self-absorbed, we live the unquenchable selfish life that is never satisfied. If we are too extreme about listening to the Holy Spirit (or rather, over-spiritualize decisions), we are crippled in our decision making if we don't "feel" an answer, we run the risk of sacrificing things God hasn't asked us to sacrifice and we could miss out doing what we love and what we were built for, ultimately for God's good purpose.
I guess what the best thing to do is to prayerfully pursue what you feel you are gifted in. After all, God gave us gifts to USE them. So, I'll knock tentatively on a door, and if I get a knock back, I will knock harder. If the door opens, and I've prayed about it, I have the freedom to walk thru it, yes?
Unfortunately, I am notoriously shy about pursuing things I want. That, and I am ridiculously idealistic, so much so that if something doesn't fall in my lap, or God's voice doesn't boom from the sky in a thunderous affirmation, I don't want to walk forward.
How do you all know when a decision is right?
Monday, October 22, 2012
Spaghetti Squash and married life
Hello, all.
This week was not a great for the low-carb diet. I didn't follow it as strictly as I did last week. But I didn't forsake it all together.
A few nights ago I made spaghetti and meat sauce ... out of Spaghetti Squash. You can find the squash at the local grocery store (I went to Kroger). It's yellow and oval shaped, and around $3.00. What you do is this: You split it in half long-ways, remove the seeds, put on a cooking sheet facing down and bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Then flip over and bake for at least ten minutes. After that, soak the squash faced down in water for 20 minutes. Finally, take a fork and strip through the squash, making long string-like "pasta" strands. Add butter and salt to taste (which for me, means drenching).
The outcome: not great. Jesse ate it, since Jesse's great like that, but we both agreed I wouldn't make it again. I think I might've saved some time and bought a regular squash, diced and cooked it, and poured spaghetti sauce on it. The texture of the spaghetti squash is just not spaghetti-like. There seems to be a big flaw in the health world: if something LOOKS like some other food item, it should have the same name. Not so. Let's go by taste, people.
Besides all that, life is going well. I've had more free time, which I have spent painting, so, gotta love that. Married life is happy. We've been married now for a "whopping" three and a half months. Every so often, I look at him and think, "this man is my husband"! We're discovering more about what makes us similar and what makes us see things differently. I'm experiencing my first football season as his wife, which I imagine to be similar to being the wife of an addict lol. The man breathes football. And we enjoy our time together. We giggle and laugh at stupid stuff very few people would laugh at. Plus, can I just say, cuddling is just the best thing ever.
So, anyway, here's to the start of a new week, a new opportunity to get back on the diet completely, and a new week of marriage.
This week was not a great for the low-carb diet. I didn't follow it as strictly as I did last week. But I didn't forsake it all together.
A few nights ago I made spaghetti and meat sauce ... out of Spaghetti Squash. You can find the squash at the local grocery store (I went to Kroger). It's yellow and oval shaped, and around $3.00. What you do is this: You split it in half long-ways, remove the seeds, put on a cooking sheet facing down and bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Then flip over and bake for at least ten minutes. After that, soak the squash faced down in water for 20 minutes. Finally, take a fork and strip through the squash, making long string-like "pasta" strands. Add butter and salt to taste (which for me, means drenching).
The outcome: not great. Jesse ate it, since Jesse's great like that, but we both agreed I wouldn't make it again. I think I might've saved some time and bought a regular squash, diced and cooked it, and poured spaghetti sauce on it. The texture of the spaghetti squash is just not spaghetti-like. There seems to be a big flaw in the health world: if something LOOKS like some other food item, it should have the same name. Not so. Let's go by taste, people.
Besides all that, life is going well. I've had more free time, which I have spent painting, so, gotta love that. Married life is happy. We've been married now for a "whopping" three and a half months. Every so often, I look at him and think, "this man is my husband"! We're discovering more about what makes us similar and what makes us see things differently. I'm experiencing my first football season as his wife, which I imagine to be similar to being the wife of an addict lol. The man breathes football. And we enjoy our time together. We giggle and laugh at stupid stuff very few people would laugh at. Plus, can I just say, cuddling is just the best thing ever.
So, anyway, here's to the start of a new week, a new opportunity to get back on the diet completely, and a new week of marriage.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
WEIGH IN
Well, I woke up early and scrambled to get to the medical office, and consequently, the scale I've been using. The result? 162- I lost three lbs this week! Easiest week ever. I ate when I wanted, and ate well, and I didn't change my exercising- I walked twice last week, same as usual.
That concludes with the good news. The rest of the news is this: after happily congratulating myself on the 3 lb weight loss, I went to the break room/kitchen to get some coffee, and there, laid out before me were gourmet donuts. I caved. Very easily and with very little hesitantcy. You see, as I knew I was going to the Texas State Fair (and was prepared to splurge a little), my gluttonous side demanded a donut. So today, it would seem, was my splurge day (except for lunch, because I ate a salad).
Dinner consisted of fried EVERYTHING. It's the Texas State Fair, and so you HAVE you try all the fried things they have. This year had quite a few things. Jesse and I walked around (and walked and walked, so at least we got some exercise) and shared the following items: fried snickers bar, fried Macaroni n' cheese sliders, a mediocre grilled cheese sandwich (with the bread!), root beer, funnel cake, pretzel and, the most atrocious of all: fried bacon cinnamon roll.
In a word: gross. I cannot wait to eat my carb-less diet tomorrow. This was a splurge day (and I probably gained all three lbs back lol), and we have to have these every so often. But these are not the norm, and I miss my chicken and lettuce and cheese and eggs and, you know, food items that don't leave you greasy and bloated.
Next weigh in is next Wednesday. I won't be listing my calories this week, but I will be including low-carb recipes that I try. Now that this diet is not such a novelty (to you or to me!), I'm gonna just do it, give you updates every so often, and keep on with other, less obnoxious topics.
K. Good night. I'm exhausted, bluberous from that food, and bone-tired from my 3.5 hour walk.
-Me
Monday, October 15, 2012
Day 6- A weekly review
I know, I know, I've skipped around a bit. But I thought I should at least write on this day, which is the day before I weigh in for the first week. That's right, I've done this for 6 days... not a vast amount of time, but still, impressive for me. Think about it- a week without crackers, a slice of bread, a banana, etc. It's definitely a change.
Some Thoughts:
#1) There are a lot of great substituting recipes you can use that taste perfectly great. I'll go into that this next week. I just stocked up at the grocery store, so I hope to present some really good low-carb recipes that you will enjoy also (if you feel inclined to try it).
#2) This low carb diet, and consequently, this high protein diet, is pretty satisfying. I eat much more cheeses, veggies and meats then I ever have. I don't have to feel guilty about using butter in my cooking, and I can use fattening dressings on my crouton-less salads. Also, like a true man, I think Jesse is enjoying the inclusion of more meat to his diet. Right now, for instance, in my refridgerator I have: bacon, breakfast sausage, hotdogs, pepperoni, burger meat, and salami. Typically, there would be no meat whatsoever, as I usually just eat fish... because preparing meat meals tends to scare my limited cooking abilities away.
#3) I'm missing bread less and less. I was thinking the other day, as I gobbled down a protein style Cheeseburger from In-And-Out, that I couldn't remember what biting into a burger with the bun tastes like. I remember it being more filling, but not less satisfying.
So, Week One weigh-in is tomorrow. I admit, I am nervous. I'll let you know how it goes, for better for for worse. I should say now, I feel good. My stomach area is certainly smaller and my face looks thinner. And I'm fitting into my fantastically comfortable jeans, which I haven't taken off since Saturday lol. My scale at home is unreliable. It's five lbs lighter than it should be, so, unfortunately, I can't believe it. But the gradual scalings have revealed: "less than before", so I take that to be good news.
Okay. Good night all.
Much love.
Some Thoughts:
#1) There are a lot of great substituting recipes you can use that taste perfectly great. I'll go into that this next week. I just stocked up at the grocery store, so I hope to present some really good low-carb recipes that you will enjoy also (if you feel inclined to try it).
#2) This low carb diet, and consequently, this high protein diet, is pretty satisfying. I eat much more cheeses, veggies and meats then I ever have. I don't have to feel guilty about using butter in my cooking, and I can use fattening dressings on my crouton-less salads. Also, like a true man, I think Jesse is enjoying the inclusion of more meat to his diet. Right now, for instance, in my refridgerator I have: bacon, breakfast sausage, hotdogs, pepperoni, burger meat, and salami. Typically, there would be no meat whatsoever, as I usually just eat fish... because preparing meat meals tends to scare my limited cooking abilities away.
#3) I'm missing bread less and less. I was thinking the other day, as I gobbled down a protein style Cheeseburger from In-And-Out, that I couldn't remember what biting into a burger with the bun tastes like. I remember it being more filling, but not less satisfying.
So, Week One weigh-in is tomorrow. I admit, I am nervous. I'll let you know how it goes, for better for for worse. I should say now, I feel good. My stomach area is certainly smaller and my face looks thinner. And I'm fitting into my fantastically comfortable jeans, which I haven't taken off since Saturday lol. My scale at home is unreliable. It's five lbs lighter than it should be, so, unfortunately, I can't believe it. But the gradual scalings have revealed: "less than before", so I take that to be good news.
Okay. Good night all.
Much love.
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