I'm trying blogging again.

Not because my days aren't hectic enough- because they ARE.
And not because I think what I have to say is necessarily brilliant, because I'm sure that 99.9% of the time, it won't be. (And in that rare 1%, we'll blame on shear chance).
I'm blogging again simply because I have a LOT to say, and right now, I can't say it... at least not verbally.

The "Whoa-is-Me" Part:

A brief background for anyone who doesn't know this: I stutter. Badly. Like "has-to-resort-to-arm-motions-and-singing-through-phrases" badly. It didn't used to be this bad. In fact, during the comfortable college years, it was pretty decent, all things considered. I had my bad days, sure, where I had to give a speech in class. After that, you could find me curled up under piles of quilts, neck deep in some ultra-rich Ben and Jerry's, watching a ridiculous comedy like "A Fish Called Wanda" or the more recent (and slightly MORE ridiculous) "Land of the Lost", trying desperately to forget the day. But most of the time, I handled it well.

Since graduation- since Real World 101, outside of the happy Christian school bubble, where everyone understands, everyone encourages, everyone somehow finds encouragement OUT of your struggle, not so much. The majority of people outside of that happy bubble are not as kind, not as understanding, certainly not as willing to listen, and most annoying, tend to be dismissing. This is not to say there aren't people who are kind and willing to listen- I do have wonderful people in my life who do listen and I am so thankful for them. But, still the overwhelming feeling of not being fully understood, or the inner-pressure of not expressing tends to be pretty bad. Not to be new-agey, but it turns out self-expression is profoundly, utterly important and essential to life.

So I introduce myself as MMMMMMmmmm... mmmmmmm (however long this takes) mmmmMadeleine, I try with all my might to make my eyes seem cheerful and approachable anyway, and somehow communicate complicated things at both jobs where I am blessed to have work.

So, I will be writing. Maybe you won't be reading, but that's not really the point. The point is that IT'S OUT THERE. All <-------- THIS-------> . All the STUFF that I think about, all the stuff I WANT to talk about, all the things that bother me, all the things that make me incredibly frustrated or incredibly happy, or inspired. Are you prepared? Since it's gonna get crazy up n' herz.

Maybe you're wondering about my slightly annoying sub-title. As we've already established, the stuttering thing is true (if you think it's not, give me a call sometime. Five minutes with me and you will be ready to shoot yourself, or grow vast quantities of patience, like my wonderful husband has).

Let's break it down:

Uncensored: No, that doesn't mean I will be cursing, bad-mouthing anyone or talking about inappropriate things. I do work at a Church, and I am not an idiot. Nor, frankly, do I want to do those things. There are much snoodier words you can use than F***, S*** or A**. When I say uncensored, I mean I'm saying EVERYTHING. You know how in English class, you learn to be concise. You learn you shouldn't say in three sentences what you can say in one. In writing, yes, in real life NO. You fluent people certainly don't take that to heart in your flawless eloquent conversations speeches to me, and so I will not be shortening a single beautiful word.

Daily: Mmmm... that might be weekly, but daily in the sense that "if I have something today that I want to talk about, I will".

Rumblings: I might whine a little. But mostly I'm just gonna talk.

Eclectic: Definitely true. I'm pretty eclectic and random in my tastes. I like good food. I'm currently trying to cut out bread, which turns out, is like trying to cut out breathing. So I'm sure you will hear about that. I'm a sci-fi nerd. I love sci-fi movies, would give my right arm for them to bring Firefly back, am an avid Dr. Who-ite, and want to name my future twins Luke Walker and Leia Sky. In regards to literature, I love historical fiction and the classics. Jane Eyre is my second bible. Anyway, enough on the eclectic stuff. You get it.

Stammering: Yup. Hence the blog.

Opera-Aspiring: I love opera. I love classical vocal literature. My dream job is where I can sing for money. My favorite pieces to sing are jazz songs, German art songs, and French arias. (Stuttering doesn't hinder singing... PRAISE JESUS). I'm going on auditions still, every so often, so I'll talk about pursuing a singing career.

Newlywed: Jesse and I got married in July of this year. So newlywed as in: "we just got married and are figuring everything out and don't know ssssshhhhhhi-anything. It's a great stage. :) So you'll hear about some of that, too.

Christian: Yes! Jesus- both the reason and the purpose for my getting up and breathing each day. I can't share my faith well in real life. When boring conversations are difficult to have, important ones about the Gospel tend to be on the verge of rocket science. So I'm going to be very honest about my Christian walk. I know Christianity is incredibly unpopular right now, so that might turn off quite a few of you. But if you have good news, you have to share it, right? If I thought I had life-saving news and that if you didn't hear it, you would die, and I still didn't share it, what would that mean? What kind of crappy person would I be? At best, I'd be an accomplice in a wrongful death, right? But it won't all be just sharing the gospel. I'll also talk about my walk with God and my struggles. And i promise I won't be bashing in any way.


Again, read if you want to. Don't if you'd rather pass.

But if you read, you might glean something maybe, here and there.

And if you don't, at least it's out there.