A Brief Catch Up

It's been almost two months since I last posted. That's pretty bad by blogging standards, and I offer a teeny-weeny half-hearted apology. Things have been busy.

This January has been an interesting one, and if it had a theme, it would be about waiting, preparation and hard work. Not generally fun themes, but still, necessary and good for stimulating personal and spiritual growth.

I got a promotion at the medical office, and am now working with the regulatory side of research, with the occasional dabbling in drug (don't get excited, I just count the drug shipments). I started this new role in mid-January, and I have to say, I like it more than data entry. It's a detail-oriented position with little hovering, and I get to organize things the way I like, which is just perfect. But it has required a few more hours, so fitting that in has been difficult.

Church work is going great. I love planning lessons, and serving the volunteers and the kids is a great joy to me. Because I'm so passionate about it, I do take our failings (or just areas that need growth) very seriously and often worry about them. I am constantly hoping to grow personally and grow the ministry to it's full potential. Leading is not natural to me, and having to speak to so many people on Sunday does drain me quite a bit. But on those days where the service goes well, and the message and worship hit home, the reward is beyond expression. I love working behind the scenes to do all this. It's a new lesson for this opera diva.

The thing is, with the two jobs and the weird schedule, it's been hard to find a "designated day off". You don't realize how important having one day of is... you really need that day to do bills, finish projects and clean the house. Our small apartment currently resembles that of a hoarder- not because we collect random stuff, but just because it's so small and we have been blessed with so much!

So, I'm happy to say we are moving to Richardson on February 16th. It's in a great location, and the apartments are older and quaint, and, most importantly, BIGGER! Less driving, great local restaurants and a YMCA right across the street? I am fantastically excited... so much so that I am finding waiting to be very difficult. (grrr I hate waiting).

Also, big news: February 9th is my audition date for SMU. Honestly, I'm terrified. I have so much to prepare for it (not only the audition but also a theory and aural test!!!) and very little time to spare. But, I'm doing my best so I can look back and say, "I really did try my very best". Then, it really is up to the Lord whether I get in or not.

Jesse and I are doing well, despite the hectic lives we live currently. We keep each other laughing, and we are different enough that we keep challenging each other, lovingly frustrating each other, and happily enjoying what is still newlywed bliss. That's not to say we live in a dream world; we're aware of our faults and sin natures. But with the help of God, love for each other and our amazing community of friends and family (both far and near), we continue to strive towards our ultimate goal as a married couple: bringing God glory.

God's Love For Zombies

If you know me even a tiny bit, you will probably know that I am afraid of zombies. Ghosts, ghouls, vampires even swamp monsters I can handle. But the idea of zombies terrifies me. It is actually a little funny: I do a lot of things differently because of my fear of zombies. For instance, I specifically chose my loft apartment because it's on the second floor (easier to protect). And I know what to first in the event of a zombie outbreak (block any entrances, fill the bathtub with water as you don't know when the supply will be cut short, and turn off the lights to avoid attracting attention). So, yes, I'm a little ridiculous about it. 

I think what really scares me about zombies- besides the idea of being eaten or trapped- is the symbol of the breakdown of society and how the survivors literally canabilize each other to stay alive. Perhaps more horrifying is the idea that we could easily be bitten, and then we would be the zombies: dead but walking, hungry for fellow-human flesh. I imagine the life (I use the word liberally) of a zombie is pretty awful: no consciousness (I hope!), mindless roaming and chowing down on human flesh... pretty gruesome.

Now that you know the depth of my fear, I can write the following sentence knowing that you will understand the full gravity of what I'm saying:

We all are (or once were) zombies.

In Ephesians 2, the Apostle Paul says the following:

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath."

We were all born into spiritual death. Since the Fall, since we left the Garden because of our own disobedience, we have been spiritually dead. And like the cinema zombie of today, we've walked around endlessly trying to fill our  spiritual hunger. We've hurt people because of our need to fill that hole. There is no cure to make us alive again and save us from following this fate.

Until... 

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."- Ephesians 2:4&5


God made a way for us by sending His Son to die to save us. For some reason I will never fully grasp, God never gave up on us. He came down to us to live the same life, and then as the perfect sacrifice, He gave us His life, so we wouldn't have to be dead any longer.

Lord Jesus, 
Thank You for what you did on the cross. Thank You for showing us a better way to live, not the "empty way of life that is handed down to us by our forefathers", but a New Life. Help us understand the depths of Your grace and love more and more in every aspect of our lives. And, most of all, thank You for never letting go of us, even when we most deserve it.
Amen.

Messed-up Lady Emotions and Artistic Angst

Tonight I am angry. You ladies will know why so I will just hint that it is "lady troubles" and leave it at that. Jesse knows that it is lady trouble time, and he keeps his distance. I like that- in fact, this is what I asked him to do (that and ply me with chocolate, which he has done), but then when I see him enjoying himself alone, it angers me. Ah, lady time. In my mind, I see a hulked-out Madeleine, ready to "Maddie smash". It's up to Jesse to find the perfect balance of "I love you and will cuddle you, but not so much that you feel smothered, and I will not do anything to make you feel annoyed". Poor man. Good thing this doesn't last long.

I will also blame my poor eating choices today on my lady time. Well, poor 'choice' rather. I did really well at lunch (blackened chicken salad) and even better at dinner (salmon, green beans, mushrooms filled with cheese/pepperoni), but for breakfast... when I went into the kitchen at work, there sat a box of donuts. I wasn't going to "go nuts" with the donuts, but then I saw a vanilla-icing donut with happy little sprinkles. Sprinkles, it turns out, must be my downfall, because I had devoured the entire donut before I even remembered the "low-carb" thing. Donuts are low carb... right?

On to the topic of tonight, which isn't what I promised in the last entry (shhh....). Does anyone else have mad quantities of creative projects constantly circling through their minds? I swear- subconscious artistic me must be a crazy person. One second, I am intent on painting a winter miniature for our first Christmas card. The next, I am convinced I need to paint my desk. But wait- wasn't I going to finish that stained glass project? No, not until I master the art of watercoloring portraits. I can do that in a single painting, right? But wasn't I going to try acrylics? No- first the Christmas card. Or maybe the desk... AHHH!

Are creative sides naturally this sporadically ADD, or is it just mine? If the creative psyche were as organized as the logical psyche, it would get much more accomplished. Or maybe if the logical side just agreed to HELP the creative side once or twice. I envision my Logical Psyche as a businessman, balding  but brilliant, fantastically organized down to his days-of-the-week underpants. He does not want to associate with Creative Psyche, who, I'm sorry to say, looks and acts like a meth addict and just wants to create, be it on a canvas with oils or a wall with spray paint. If the two could just team up and help each other create/organize more together, well then, we'd be somewhere. Maybe we wouldn't be featured at the Louvre, but we'd at least have a finished piece of art, instead of a dozen works-in-progress.

Or maybe it isn't that Logical Psyche isn't trying to help; maybe he is helping with all his might, but he's simply not strong enough to help out his crazed friend. That seems like it could be true of me. It's a good thing I'm married to Jesse, who is very organized. Hopefully, he can keep me calm and rational when all I want to do is fingerprint, but I have to go to work. :)

(By the way, he's doing a good job. He's happily working on his new work iPad yet still giving me a sweet little smile every so often).

Okay, thanks for reading. This is now the end of whatever this post was about (it seems to be about messed-up lady emotions and artistic angst).

I should try to work on the Christmas card idea.

Or maybe I should paint my desk?

An Operatunity (hee hee)

It's been a nice weekend. Today's services went really well without anything eventful or disastrous happening. Things between Jesse and I have been nice and cuddly (*yes "cuddly" is the main adjective that springs to mind... it might be the happy fall weather!), and life continues to skip by at the usual pace. No slowing down, very few things to break up the monotony, no "breaks" (fall, spring, summer or otherwise) as I was accustomed to as a student. Adulthood continues to rear it's mature sarcastic face and say to my naivety: "Welcome to real life".

An interesting turn-of-events: I went to sing for vocal teacher at SMU. I was awfully nervous. It's intimidating enough to go sing for people when you ARE in-voice, so imagine how I must've felt walking into SMU- one of the snobbiest and, well, best schools around. I found a parking space (after 30 minutes, thank God I left early), and walked to the Fine Arts building, enjoying the familiar and seductive college scene. Barefoot students passed me, arms full of books, discussing literature and professors. In the music department, the sounds of violins and oboes wafted in the air... even their scales sounded perfect. Dang, I am out of my league. But I went to my appointment, prepared for a pretty big embarrassment, and instead was pleasantly surprised.

It's true; my German was rusty, my rhythms a little off, but my voice, surprisingly, was still there. I made my high notes. My tone was even. It felt like normal, like returning to riding a bike after a few years. That's not to say it was perfect- as the vocal teacher said, my larynx was a little high, which made for quite a bit of breathiness (hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhh). But she seemed to like my voice, saying it was whimsical, pretty, youthful and energetic, very "french" (as in, 'would be good for french songs'), and that she thinks I am a soubrette or a light lyric soprano. When I sang, she nodded in approval and gave very positive feedback. After vocalizing me (warming up to as high as I could go- which was shockingly- still a E-flat- I thought I'd lost my top notes!), she said I have more notes there that I could achieve if I worked on it and worked on loosing my fear of high notes. Best of all: when I commented on how out-of-voice I was, she said, "No, you're not out-of-voice, you are simply out of practice. There's nothing wrong with your voice. There's no tension [I don't know about that... but, hey, ok!], your breathing is great, your french is perfect [!YAY!], you just need the icing on the cake". Thank you, John Brown University music department, for your hard work!

So, I now have a voice lessons with a wonderful teacher! We're going to work on tailoring my repertoire to be more soubrette-friendly. Currently, my repertoire is all over the map. This was great for undergraduate studies and I enjoyed singing those pieces. But some of those songs aren't a good fit for me. I love "Habanera", and loved the chance to sing it, but no one would ever hire me for the role of Carmen. I'm no mezzo. But Mozart operas, Handel, french songs, I can do. And apparently- new fact learned for the day- companies don't like to see variety on a musicians' resume. They like to see that you have a specific voice type and that you can sing it well. As she said: "People aren't very imaginative. It's up to you to tell them who you are and what you can do". Brilliant advice, huh? Pretty good for any career choice and interviewing situation.

Honestly, all that said, I don't know if I want a career in voice. I know I LOVE singing. I know I want to do these lessons. And, as Jesse said after he saw me directly after this audition, I "lit up like a firefly" when I told him about singing. But I'm going to wait before I decide if I want to get my masters. A bachelor's degree is expensive enough. My current loans are going to haunt me til into my late thirties (which is still far enough away that it is daunting). If I'm going to add more onto that bill, I have to be darn sure that this is the direction I want to go in AND that the Lord has for me (the second being more important).


Next week's episode: Discontentment. I'm excited. It's gonna be a doozy.

Feeling sick, another audition and broccoli cheese soup

I left work early today feeling very much like what my husband felt the other day- sick and rundown. I got home, was promptly sick, napped, rallied and then re-arranged the furniture in the living room. When you live in a small space (all 650 sq feet of it- including stairs), the cramped feeling can drive me nuts. So, I have to re-arrange every so often. Plus, it helps force you to clean the room, too.

I have another "audition" tomorrow. Maybe "audition" is the wrong word. The correct word would be an opportunity. I'm meeting with a vocal teacher from a local college to sing for her and discuss what she thinks of my voice. It's a great opportunity- kind of horrifying- but I am also incredibly excited. Fortunately, I've already explained how out-of-voice I am, so at least she won't be under any misconceptions about my voice. ... but still--- eek! I'll let you know how it goes!

I found a great new recipe for Creamy Broccoli Soup. It DOES have 2 tablespoons of flour, so it's not completely carb-free, but it's pretty close. Plus, Jesse liked it a lot. I figure if a MAN likes it, it's hardy enough.

Ingredients:

3 cups chicken broth
1 head of broccoli, cut up
1/2 onion, chopped
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup shredded cheese (the recipe says optional, but I say "must have")
1/2 dried oregano
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
1) Bring broth to boil. Add broccoli and onion. Cook for five minutes, or until broccoli is tender.
2) In a separate bowl, slowly add milk to flour, and mix until well-blended.
3) Stir flour/milk mixture into broth mixture. Cook, stirring constantly, until soup is thick and bubbly. Add cheese; stir til melted. Add seasonings. Done.

It's a really quick meal, and pretty dang good.

Tomato pie and Decisions

Tonight, after work I came home and cleaned like a banshee. We're living in a 650 square foot apartment. When you take into account that we're both messy and, as an artsy person, I have art projects lain strung about the apartment, the place gets messy quickly. I swear: overnight little messy elves come out and throw clothes everywhere and re-dirty the dishes. So, I ran thru the place quickly (fortunately a clean up goes really fast), then made my dinner while watching episodes of Futurama.

Dinner tonight: 

Artichoke

Fried Talapia

Edisto Beach Pie (without the pie)

I really recommend the pie: it's nothing but tomatoes, grated cheese, mayonnaise and spices. 

Simply slice about 3 tomatoes (depending on the amount of servings), mix a cup of grated cheese with a cup of mayonnaise. Layer tomatoes with cheese/mayonnaise and spices (salt, pepper, oregano) as many times as you want to fill the pan (I did two layers today) and bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes. If you want to make a real pie, just buy a pre-made crust and fill the shell with the ingredients; same deal. Below is the finished product:

The finished product: artichoke with melted butter, fried
talapia and edisto beach pie

After that, I was feeling a little creative, but I didn't have enough energy to go get all my art supplies from their various corners about the room, so I got the nail polish. I'm in a Halloweeny mood. Can you tell?

The left hand- no way I'm showing you
the right hand, as it was very complicated
to draw those mini pumpkins left-headed.

Yes, it's a little ridiculous. Which is just what I wanted :)

_________________________________________________________________________________

Serious Time:

I've been struggling with contentment lately over a few aspects of my life. Or, maybe another way to say it is, I've been wanting some things in my life to be different. The question I'd like to pose is this: how to we discern when something in our life:

A) Is a situation sent by God for a specific purpose (aka: for our own personal or spiritual growth, for ministry opportunities, etc), and therefore should be accepted and we should try to find contentment and "bloom where we are planted"...

OR

B) Is a situation in which we have freedom to change if we don't like, or would rather be elsewhere.

To the non-christian, the answer is simple: "Do what you want".  That's what our generation shouts pretty much constantly. It's our natural inclination. We want to do what we want to do, and answer to no One. 

But I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I have given Him my heart and my life. This means I am called to "pick up my cross" and follow Him, to "lose my life so I can find it" and to live sacrificially with eternity in mind. 

So what's the balance? You can't be too extreme about either one. If you are too extreme about doing what you want, you risk missing out on God's spirit. If we live only for ourselves and for we want, we miss out on ministry, we become self-absorbed, we live the unquenchable selfish life that is never satisfied. If we are too extreme about listening to the Holy Spirit (or rather, over-spiritualize decisions), we are crippled in our decision making if we don't "feel" an answer, we run the risk of sacrificing things God hasn't asked us to sacrifice and we could miss out doing what we love and what we were built for, ultimately for God's good purpose. 

I guess what the best thing to do is to prayerfully pursue what you feel you are gifted in. After all, God gave us gifts to USE them. So, I'll knock tentatively on a door, and if I get a knock back, I will knock harder. If the door opens, and I've prayed about it, I have the freedom to walk thru it, yes?

Unfortunately, I am notoriously shy about pursuing things I want. That, and I am ridiculously idealistic, so much so that if something doesn't fall in my lap, or God's voice doesn't boom from the sky in a thunderous affirmation, I don't want to walk forward.

How do you all know when a decision is right?

Spaghetti Squash and married life

Hello, all.

This week was not a great for the low-carb diet. I didn't follow it as strictly as I did last week. But I didn't forsake it all together.

A few nights ago I made spaghetti and meat sauce ... out of Spaghetti Squash. You can find the squash at the local grocery store (I went to Kroger). It's yellow and oval shaped, and around $3.00. What you do is this: You split it in half long-ways, remove the seeds, put on a cooking sheet facing down and bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Then flip over and bake for at least ten minutes. After that, soak the squash faced down in water for 20 minutes. Finally, take a fork and strip through the squash, making long string-like "pasta" strands. Add butter and salt to taste (which for me, means drenching).

The outcome: not great. Jesse ate it, since Jesse's great like that, but we both agreed I wouldn't make it again. I think I might've saved some time and bought a regular squash, diced and cooked it, and poured spaghetti sauce on it. The texture of the spaghetti squash is just not spaghetti-like. There seems to be a big flaw in the health world: if something LOOKS like some other food item, it should have the same name. Not so. Let's go by taste, people.

Besides all that, life is going well. I've had more free time, which I have spent painting, so, gotta love that. Married life is happy. We've been married now for a "whopping" three and a half months. Every so often, I look at him and think, "this man is my husband"! We're discovering more about what makes us similar and what makes us see things differently. I'm experiencing my first football season as his wife, which I imagine to be similar to being the wife of an addict lol. The man breathes football. And we enjoy our time together. We giggle and laugh at stupid stuff very few people would laugh at. Plus, can I just say, cuddling is just the best thing ever.

So, anyway, here's to the start of a new week, a new opportunity to get back on the diet completely, and a new week of marriage.